Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize