I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
