why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
