evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
