we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
