Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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