I wannas sexs uuuuu
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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