your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
