i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
