I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
