Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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