i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
