do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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