Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
