Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
