dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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