I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
