I think I won the penis lottery.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
