I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Too much gin, very little bucket
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
