And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
