OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
