Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
