At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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