Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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