the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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