So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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