Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize