I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
