Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
