if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
