just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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