How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
