Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
