WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
