Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He passed out mid-signature
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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