i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
