I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
