Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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