Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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