Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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