i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
