I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
