textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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