And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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