Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
