I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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