you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
