And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
