u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
be right there i have to get my cape
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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