dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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