Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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