you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
