just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had sex on a roof
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
