Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mom said you looked used
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
