I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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