how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Still dying that you shit outside
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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