cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
