i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
