I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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