Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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