I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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