I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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