and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
