After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize