I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
