Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
