im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
