took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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