THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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