One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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