hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
