last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
