is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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