your thong is hanging out like whoa
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
