He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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