I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
