she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
