Quick, to the slutcave!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize