First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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