JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
