In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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