I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
