apparently the secret to your success is patron
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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