Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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(646): View more from New York

The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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(407): View more from Florida

he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him

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(650): View more from California

Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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(925): View more from California

She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

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(727): View more from Florida

Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am

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(775): View more from Nevada

My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha

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