I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
