Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
handjob tips. give me some.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
