dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
