TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
