Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
