it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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