If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
