I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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