I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
