she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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