The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
